The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
