I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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