I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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