Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
