Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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