It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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