so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
