1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
