we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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