I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
