Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
