I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That accounts for only three of the penises
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
