Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize