It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm really busy with my period
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
