How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
