Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize