I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
