I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Boobs speak an international language.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
