i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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