Me too!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
