You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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