Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
