What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
