I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
