i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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