woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
