I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
