Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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