True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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