you win again, gameday.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
