If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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