dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
