I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
