I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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