happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
