and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
