His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
