She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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