i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
