So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
