Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
