her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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