fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
