I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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