I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
