i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
