Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
