Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
