Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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