i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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