so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
