Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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