what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
