You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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