Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
