He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize