I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
