Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
