Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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