so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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