He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
