I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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