capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
